


Cow Island

by my_soliloquy_chamber



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Crack, Drunkenness, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26382157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_soliloquy_chamber/pseuds/my_soliloquy_chamber
Summary: A drunken, giggiling young woman tests the patience of Captain Kenway.
Kudos: 5





	Cow Island

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this, but I couldn't stop myself.

* * *

Walking down the dock of Great Iguana, Edward surveyed the nearby tavern.

“Hey, Kenway!” The sound of bare feet running down the dock towards him warned of the incoming projectile.

“Kenway!” The young woman threw herself into his arms and wrapped her legs tight around his waist.

“Well, hello there, lass. Where did you come from?” Edward was surprised to see her, she usually crewed on ships on the other side of the West Indies.

The woman in his arms started giggling uncontrollably. “Ship!” She threw her arms out towards the ships at the dock. “This _is_ an island you know.” She giggled harder.

Edward untangled himself and put the lass down, scrutinizing her. She was acting very strange. “Are you drunk, lass?”

“Noooo.” She giggled again.

“Uh hu…” Edward raised an eyebrow at her and steered her back towards the tavern with an arm around her shoulders.

“Kenway! Do you know where I’ve been?” She was full of giggling energy and talking much louder than usual.

“Nope, do tell.” He steered her to sit in a chair and signaled the barkeep for a drink. The young woman grabbed at his arm and smiled widely.

“Ile a Vache. Cow Island. Island of Cow. Island of the Cow.” She broke down in giggles again. “Do you know what they have there?” she sputtered through giggles.

“Cows?”

“Cows!” She laughed with triumph. “But only one cow. Singular.” She broke down with laughter again. “What will they do when it dies? Will they rename the island? Or get a new cow?” More snorted laughter.

“Yes. That’s an important question.” Edward looked around desperately for his drink.

“Yeah! It **_is_ ** important! Because you’ll never find them if they change their name. And if they don’t change it, people will come looking for the cow and asking where the cow is.” She looked earnestly worried for a moment.

“Yeah, that would be tragic…” His drink arrived and he took a big gulp. For strength.

She grabbed his arm again, making his drink slosh dangerously. “Oh! They should build a statue! A cow statue! On cow island!” She giggled and hiccuped.

“How much have you had to drink, lass?”

She snorted. “Not enough for a cow!” Laughing harder, she tried to grab Edward’s drink, who pulled it out of reach. She kept reaching further and fell off her chair. She stayed there, laughing hysterically for a minute, tears streaming down her face. Eventually she tried to push herself back up into her chair, and Edward reached down and pulled her up by the arm.

She plonked down in her chair, wiping at her face with her hands and grinning. “But Kenway! I am here!”

“You are.”

“I wanna see it! Take me to see it!” She looked at him with excited expectancy. He looked back with confusion. 

“The iguana! I wanna see the iguana! I hear it’s **_great_**!” She broke down into hysterics again.

Edward sighed exasperated and stood up. “Alright, you’ve had enough. Time for bed.” He threw her over his shoulder and carried her back to her ship. At his back, the girl kept giggling and hiccupping, but slowly calming down.

By the time he deposited her on a bunk in the crew cabin, she was quietly yawning and blinking slowly. “Hey Kenway?” Her eyes slid shut and she yawned wide.

“Yeah…”

“Do you think there are cats on Cat Island?”

“Go to sleep.” He turned and went back to the tavern, smiling fondly.

* * *


End file.
